This week I’m reflecting on things.
Many of my letters over the last few weeks have emphasized processes and techniques which are aimed at getting more out of our lives. I’ve talked about practices that build creative muscles, develop habits, help us discover new ideas about old topics, and prioritize. As I solidify my photographic plans I’ll probably do it again. I’ve described them because they might be valuable for you, too.
But I want to pull up for a moment.
Themes of Visions & Glimpses
From the first letter in this series, I’ve combined photography with broader themes, which I’ve hoped would be interesting, useful or inspiring to folks regardless of their relationship to photography. Whether that’s a great plan or not, that’s what I’ve done so far.
My chosen themes represent topics that have mattered to me for a long while, which became clearer to me over the years. I see life a bit differently now than I did in the early stages of my business career, when I was less self-aware in many ways. And while I’ve long known and considered Gandhi’s words, they’ve occasionally left me for stretches of time, only to return like a boomerang: “Live as if you were to die tomorrow; learn as if you were to live forever”.
His words, along with my own value set, combine to leave me with three ongoing objectives, which appear as themes in Visions & Glimpses.
Give to others (for today and for endless tomorrows)
Generosity is its own, immense reward for both of us. Giving can come in many forms: Help, time, attention, respect, empathy, resources, and more. I try to think liberally about what might be considered “giving” because it is felt by people in so many ways.
Build/Create and learn (for today and tomorrow)
Time is precious. There’s a balance between learning/growing and utilizing that knowledge and skill to make things, therefore I suggest this fits into both today and all the tomorrows.
Be Present (and live in the moment, today)
Beyond writing, I hope to generate all three regularly. It’s ambitious, and of course I don’t generate them all the time. Definitely not. But I’m trying to live these themes, and my letters are merely one incarnation of them.
Be Present, Build, Give. The order is inconsequential. The balance is essential. Like legs of a tripod.
And. A single concept connects them all at the center: Love oneself and others. It may not be obvious, but the concept binds all three.
Love is a tricky word
I’ve been uncomfortable with the word my whole life. Do I even know what love means? It’s immeasurable, and it describes a wide range of affections. Each of us has things, experiences and people that we love. But those things are all very different, and we feel differently about subsets of each category. Further, we may feel any of these deeply or faintly. I get tripped up talking about both aspects, the kind of love and the degree of love.
But I’m trying not to overthink it for today. Instead, I’ll just describe the connections I’ve made between loving (myself & others) and the three aforementioned life objectives: Giving; Creating; Being Present.
Item #1, Giving is generated from love and nothing else. That is, so long as we’re talking about true giving. If a person expects something in return, they’re actually creating a form of indebtedness. Hence, the idea of “owing” somebody. That debt construct is not driven by love at all. A gift with strings attached, even emotional strings, is not a gift in my meaning. Dislike.
If you love something, set it free. If you give freely, that also comes from love. I want to be sure to do this. Give freely.
Item #2, Building/Creating is a mechanism of giving to ourselves and to others; see Item #1 above. I may choose to build or create different things than the next person, and that’s all good. For me one of those things is photography. But there are immense possibilities for creating both tangible and intangible things, from products to communities, large or small. Think about creating a more friendly workplace or home, for example. We all have things we can build or create in different ways. And in the process of doing so, we may feed ourselves and serve others.
I want to do this, too. Build and create. Steadily.
Item #3, Being Present has a pre-requisite: Self-love. It’s necessary if we want to feel free to be with others, and to live in the moment. A person can appear to be present by being focused, without self-love. I’m not knocking it, focus can be fabulous. Many of us wish we could generate it more often. But being present requires more. It involves connection at an emotional level.
If we love ourselves with all our flaws, we can connect. We can be present. We can truly be in the moment. When present we can be there fully for others, shedding our worries of how we appear. We become capable of warmly receiving another person’s joys, or gently receiving their upsets, without becoming upset ourselves.
We can be available and connect at powerful, deep level. There’s a distinction here of Being, vs. Doing.
Conversely, when we don’t like who we are, we protect ourselves from discovery and/or exposure, and we block connections. We can’t really be present for the other person because we can’t be there for ourselves. (Oxygen mask to yourself first, then help others). Often subconsciously, we’ll hide ourselves away and/or establish barriers which prevent connecting. As defense mechanisms. And those mechanisms which “protect” us also prevent us from connecting with others.
Self-acceptance, or self-love, provides us the freedom to connect, to experience, and to live in the moment. Self-love allows us to relax our defenses and be present. It’s not intuitive, but loving ourselves allows us to love others.
We can then love deeply, rather than faintly or not at all.
We can be present.
All you need is Love?
Crazily, it just might be true. It’s the center-pin that supports the life-themes which matter most to me, i.e. generosity, creating, and living. Here and now. When I’m being all three, it’s hard to describe with words, but there is nothing better on this earth. I feel it every time. No matter who else is, or is not, part of my life in those moments.
And sometimes even more is possible. We might also be lucky enough to love in a romantic, honest and unconstrained way. Additional, wonderful things just might become clear for us, if we create the space.
On Love and Self-Acceptance
There is an enormous supply of tomes and articles about self-acceptance and loving oneself. While the thoughts in this letter are collected from many sources and experiences, I’m not prepared to recommend any specific author on the topic. But I’m open to inputs and suggestions from others. Feel free to leave them in the comments if you have a strong recommendation.
That would be quite generous of you.
Until next time,
Is there something here you like or dislike? Questions? Have anything else to say? Let us all know by clicking on the Comments button below, and express yourself. Don’t be shy, now.
If you like this post you’re bound to like the next one as well. I’m sending them weekly. Quit any time, or better yet, stay and read on!
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Limited Edition Prints for Sale
Another channel of my photography. Oof. But as promised, I’ve got this new set of Limited Edition prints available for purchase. Any unsold African wildlife images from last fall, as promised, are retired from circulation.
Each edition consists of ten Numbered Prints and two Artists Prints, 16x24” silver halide, with certificate of authentication. As before, these are limited both by number and duration of the offer. If you’d like one or more for that special person, don’t hesitate. You wouldn't want to become he who is lost!
You surprised me a little with the topic this week, but I enjoyed it. You summed up very well the important aspects to a fulfilled life ( imho).