An Influencer Who Avoids Social Media

You don't have to be famous

Nov 29, 2023

We all have people who have made a positive difference in our lives. When we’re asked about who influenced us, we’ll often cite a family member, a teacher, a boss or a spouse. Maybe a combination.

And sometimes there’s somebody else.

The influencer

My friend Steve doesn’t look for attention, barely touches Facebook or any other SM site, and is not excited about being photographed. He calls himself selfish, and he’ll give you a nice long list of his behaviors to prove it. But his small acts of kindness and generosity have shaped my own behavior over the years.

A person carrying a surfboard over his head

Description automatically generated — An appropriately anonymous image of Steve

First, on the heels of Giving Tuesday, allow me to present a couple of metrics on national giving/generosity. Last year Americans gave 1.7% of their disposable income (not total income) to charities, a low mark for Americans compared with prior years. Here in the US, where a significant portion of the population resists public support for things like health care and other first-world services, the decline is concerning. Rather than having it both ways, we have it neither way.

Still, there are many people who are very generous, whether they have a little or a lot to give.

And giving money to charity is just one form of generosity. Being friendly and helpful is another method of giving to the people around us, and tipping can be a third way. For the latter, here’s a picture of our US habits regarding tipping:

A bar chart with numbers and text

Description automatically generated with medium confidence — This chart answers yes/no questions, not the size of tips

Some of us tip all the time, some rarely or never, etc. and the amounts/percentages vary quite a bit.

And then there’s the interpersonal kind of giving.

Back to Steve

Turns out, Selfish Steve has a lot of empathy. He recognizes that people who work for relatively low wages often are grinding, sometimes are mistreated, and frequently are invisible.

Even in bright, reflective clothing a person can be effectively invisible. Many of us tend to look right past all kinds of other people, in all kinds of settings.

She was initially taken aback that someone actually spoke with her

So Selfish Steve goes out of his way to engage everyday people in conversation. Parking attendants, security guards, convenience store employees. He asks them questions, like how their days have gone, or what they have planned for the evening or the weekend. And they brighten up. Just about every time.

He’d been contracted to replace power meters, and was happy to be asked how he was doing

The other thing Steve does is tip, and relatively speaking, he tips a lot. Much more than the average person. He’s been doing this for years. Whatever they hope for, he gives more. I’m not talking about thousands of dollars, just a few bucks each time. Steve is not a rich man. But he figures they will notice what they’ve received more than he notices what he’s missing.

They’ll notice what they’ve received more than he’ll notice what he’s missing.

How’s that for a thought?

I adopted his thinking

I guess I always tended to round up my tips, but I wasn’t as thoughtful about how I interacted with people across the board before I knew Steve. Also, what I haven’t always done is involve my friends and associates in the same line of thinking. For example, if I’m at a restaurant and splitting a bill, sometimes I’ll just surreptitiously give more to the servers, not wanting to embarrass the others, or look like I’m trying to show them up. Especially if my companions’ going-in perspective is to tip lightly, from my perspective.

Have you ever done that?

But I think being surreptitious is a bit of a mistake. I think it would be better to include/involve more people in the concept. It’s not my business to preach at people. But perhaps I’ve been a little bit selfish to my companions by not saying anything. Perhaps it’s an act of kindness to invite others to join in, both interpersonally and monetarily. Giving is not just nice for the recipient; giving is a reward for the giver. Study after study shows that people who are generous with time and resources are happier, live longer, all that.

So my suddenly-clear resolution is to be more transparent about my own perspective, which is co-opted from Selfish Steve’s perspective. I invite you to co-opt it for yourself.

And I invite you to pass it on, too!

Thank you again, Steve. Love you, brother.

—

Last chance for this particular kind of giving

This is the last week I’ll mention these prints.

As an added bonus and an additional form of giving, I’m contributing 10% of all my sales this season to the Nature Conservancy’s Africa program. They protect habitat for elephants, all the cats, and many other denizens of this wonderful place, which is depicted in these Limited Edition Prints:

These are signed, authenticated, Limited Edition Prints (editions of 10 only). This batch is only available through the end of the year, and is on sale in November to make life easier for both of us.

Get something special for yourself or a loved one this holiday season. Isn’t it great when you come up with a special gift, and they love it? It is!

Something completely different will be available for Jan/Feb 2024, but any remaining prints from this set will be retired from circulation on the last day of 2023. Gone indefinitely. If not longer. One of them is already sold out.

Thanks, and see you next week!

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